Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
