Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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