false alarm. still invincible.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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