I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
