i may or may not be watching the land before time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
