arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
