just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
