Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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