is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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