Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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