Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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