and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
