I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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