You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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