So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
