I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
