he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
