i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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