shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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