Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't deserve a penis
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
