So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
