4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
