I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
