She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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