just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
