i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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