Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We need to get me chipped asap
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
