yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just had sex on a roof
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
