Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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