Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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