speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
