I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
