shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
