her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
