Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We got so high we made milksteak
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
