I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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