can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
