Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
