His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
