I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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