In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
