Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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