i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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