I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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