I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
