oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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