im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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