you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There's even glitter on my cock...
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