I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
