Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
