being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
