omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
