I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
