Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
