The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
