what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
