hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
