And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
50% drunk capacity currently
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
