What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
