1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
